18 Oct Proofread and edit the final research paper

Instructor’s Comments

I see some good revision here! For some reason I cannot comment directly on your draft this time, so I will put comments below:

One of the challenges of your essay was to better integrate your research into your thesis. You've improved here well.

The introduction is closer but still quite brief. How might you draw your reader in with the final draft? (The first paragraph of page two includes information that could help draw your audience in, for example.)

In your second paragraph, you have a lot of uncited information. This would be considered plagiarism in your final draft–please contact me if you do not understand.

You've added transition in the third paragraph–how does the history and your brother's involvement "combine"? However, you also integrate the research well here, and it supports your point–good job!

Your works cited is right on track. Good revision–be proud!

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Caruthers 1

Caruthers 3

Alice Caruthers

Dr. Danita Berg

COM 1101 – Composition and Rhetoric [2022 Fall 1]

October 14, 2022

Revised Outline

Audience: Faith Believers

Religious faith can significantly influence and change one behavior. The influence of spiritual aspects and personal beliefs relevant to the relationship between religiosity and spirituality makes a person exhibit unique and strange traits. These behaviors or traits result from one's magical ideation and paranormal beliefs rooted in a particular faith. Primarily, religious faith tends to be a universal human pursuit that determines different cultural parameters, moral concepts, and ideals to influence believers' thinking and behavior by giving answers on meaning relating to human existence.

An Introduction:

In cult-like faiths, members must devote a significant amount of time to its activities and practices. From the 1930s, cults (ethos) emerged as the object of sociological study from the perspective of studying religious behaviors. In the 1940s, the Christian anti-cult movement started to oppose some sects and new religious movements, terming them 'cults' due to their unorthodox beliefs (pathos). In the 1970s, the secular anti-cult movement resisted specific groups in reaction to acts of violence committed by group members.

Thesis:

While the cause of my brother's behavior may be much deeper than the church he belongs to, this particular church exhibits cult-like tendencies because a significant time commitment is expected from its member; most of their members joined during a very vulnerable time in their lives. The church is involved in every aspect of your life, from work to your family and everything in between.

The argument about the Cult

Claim 1: A particular church with cult-like tendencies because of a significant time commitment is expected from members.

Appeals being used: Ideal or logic: Cults have a rich history associated with unorthodox beliefs. Word of Faith Fellowship and Remnant Fellowship cults help us understand how church-like cults run their activities, such as recruiting members.

Cause and effect: Because cults practice mind control of members via spiritual, ritual, and philosophical beliefs, cults remain exploitative, weird groups with uncommon beliefs.

Research (shared authority): research on religious-based cults in the United States and their founders, such as Jane Whaley.

Claim 1.2: Discussing the beginning of my brother's strange behavior

Appeals being used: Noticing some devastating behaviors such as isolating himself from our family members, seeking validation from the church elders, crossing biblical boundaries of behavior, and emphasizing special doctrines outside the scripture (pathos). My brother had acquired a charismatic vocabulary of "spiritual warfare."

The research used: logos: The goal of this charisma is to show people how to convert their admiration into a connection with God (Rodia p.12).

Describe consequences: He revealed that after this newfound perspective came into play, he could see our mother's true nature. One that was not very kind.

Claim 2: Additionally, most members joined during a very vulnerable time in their lives.

Appeals Used: Several members joined the church during the COVID-19 crisis after losing their jobs and were desperate for money and a good life. From the general perspective, cults target youth groups (college students), mainly the unemployed and those from low-income families looking for hard-life solutions.

Research: The recruitment techniques tend to entice hopeless youths while preparing them to convert their religious faith (Schwartz & Kaslow p.19).

Claim 2.2: Brother's religious beliefs and practices are strongly associated with hysteria, neurosis, and psychotic delusions.

Appeal Used: His strange declarations about faith in God resulting from watching religion-based episodes of his favorite TV series implies a significant 'mass hysteria.'

Claim 3: Finally, this church has Cult-like tendencies because the church is involved in every aspect of your life, from work to your family and everything in between.

Appeals Used: My brother has a religious devotion to this church. He has gone so far as to turn his life upside down for these people and isolate himself for at least seven months for unknown reasons, but one can only assume it has something to do with the church.

Research: A cult church is a high-demand setting with a high level of control and influence over its members (Dubrow-Marshall & Dubrow-Marshall p.398).

Claim 3.2: After joining this church with cult tendencies, my brother changed his life to comply with church rules and wants.

Concluding Paragraph:

Thus, while the cause of my brother's behavior may be much deeper than the church he belongs to, this particular church has cult-like tendencies. The high devotion to church activities and instant shift of behaviors demonstrates how the church has controlled his life and taken over his free will.

Call to action: Youths need to understand and become aware of traps set by cult churches to entice them.

Works Cited

Dubrow-Marshall, R.P., and L. Dubrow-Marshall. “Cults and Mental Health.”  Encyclopedia of Mental Health, 2016, pp. 393–401., https://doi.org/10.1016/b978-0-12-397045-9.00153-1. 

Rodia, Tina. “Is It a Cult, or a New Religious Movement?”  Penn Today, 29 Aug. 2019, penntoday.upenn.edu/news/it-cult-or-new-religious-movement.

Schwartz, Lita Linzer, and Florence W. Kaslow. “Religious Cults, the Individual and the Family.”  Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, vol. 5, no. 2, 1979, pp. 15–26., https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.1979.tb01263.x.

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Caruthers 2

Alice Caruthers

Dr. Danita Berg

COM 1101 – Composition and Rhetoric [2022 Fall 1]

October 16, 2022

Revision Strategy

While reviewing my peer review, I intend to use the suggestions provided by the instructor while incorporating the RISE model. I understand the weight of my final draft. I intend to establish and follow specific revision strategies to ensure that my work is acceptable according to the required academic writing standards. The elevate concept will help me gain insights into how to solve similar problems when working on my final draft. The suggest concept of the RISE Model will help me improve by analyzing my ideas more thoroughly. The inquire concept will shape my research direction and motivate me to conduct thorough and credible research. Lastly, the reflect concept of the model will help me approach the final draft with an open mind that is ready to analyze my work and identify and correct mistakes.

First, I intend to revise my thesis by rewriting it to make it more persuasive. I understand the importance of having a clear and persuasive thesis since it defines and directs the contents of the paper. This will also allow me to improve the length of my introduction.

Second, I intend to read my claims to ensure they thoroughly support my thesis. Having looked at my claims, I believe they support my thesis except for my third point, which could be improved on. I intend to improve and develop the point to make sure that it supports my thesis by conducting more research and using more logos.

My third revision strategy involves improving on my organization. Although my organization seems strong, I noticed a repeat of points discussed earlier on my fourth page. To address the issue, I intend to integrate the paragraph with the point discussed earlier to eliminate repetition and a lack of organization in my writing.

I am confident about the tone of my work on style and tone. However, I have doubts and issues with citing direct quotes using the MLA writing style. I intend to research and learn more about the writing style, then revise my work to correct any mistakes in the area. I also intend to avoid plagiarism by incorporating more in-text citations in my work.

My revision strategy on grammar revolves around identifying any grammatical mistakes that relate to spelling, sentence structure, and the use of punctuation marks. I have identified issues with using commas in my sentences, which I am keen to correct. I am also keen to use upper and lower cases appropriately in my writing to indicate proper nouns.

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Caruthers 1

Caruthers 5

Alice Caruthers

Dr. Danita Berg

COM 1101

September 25, 2022

Semester Paper

While the cause of my brother's behavior may be much deeper than the church he belongs to, this particular church exhibits cult-like tendencies because a significant time commitment is expected from its member. Most of its members joined during a very vulnerable time in their lives. The church is involved in every aspect of your life, from work to your family and everything in between.

My brother's church has cult-like tendencies because every member must devote a significant amount of time to its activities and practices. From the 1930s, cults emerged as the object of sociological study from the perspective of studying religious behaviors. In the 1940s, the Christian anti-cult movement started to oppose some sects and new religious movements, terming them "cults" due to their unorthodox beliefs. In the 1970s, the secular anti-cult movement resisted specific groups in reaction to acts of violence committed by group members. These groups, primarily called cults, practiced mind control of their members and linked to strange religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs and rituals. Thus, cults remain exploitative, weird groups with uncommon beliefs. Word of Faith Fellowship, located in Spindale, North Carolina, and Remnant Fellowship, located in Brentwood, Tennessee, are some renowned religious-based cults in the United States. The former started in 1979 when Jane Whaley and Sam Whaley converted a former steakhouse into a chapel, while the latter began in 1999 courtesy of its founder, the late Gwen Shamblin.

As of 2021, my brother started showing strange behaviors that were out of character for him. In the previous years, I had not noticed strange behaviors from him. We always came to each other for everything and had practically no secrets between us. However, I was shocked after noticing some devastating behaviors such as isolating himself from our family members, seeking validation from the church elders, crossing biblical boundaries of behavior, and emphasizing special doctrines outside the scripture. I found that what started as a staunch Christian had developed into something darker, emerging far from our original upbringing. After a few months, my brother stopped visiting our church and fully embraced his new church. In this new church, he would spend most of his time in church and would return home during late hours even on non service days. On one of the Sundays, the church had convinced my brother to stop pursuing a law degree and instead go into theology, to my surprise he agreed. He went on to switch to a different university and even quit his job per the church’s request. Most of his friends and family who knew him were shocked by the uncommon changes in his personality. Previously, he had an ever extraordinarily extroverted personality, but now he was a complete introvert toward anyone outside of the church. While growing up, I believed my brother may be called to preach one day but I could never picture him immersing this far deep into the religious rabbit hole. He acquired a markedly charismatic vocabulary of "spiritual warfare" and claimed to be directly communicating with God. The goal of this charisma is to show people how to convert their admiration into a connection with God (Abby p.12). He revealed that after this new found perspective came into play, he was able to see the true nature of our mother. One that was not very kind.

Additionally, most of their members joined during a very vulnerable time in their lives. For instance, several members joined the church during the COVID-19 crisis after losing their jobs and were desperate for money and a good life. From the general perspective, cults target youth groups (college students), mainly the unemployed and those from low-income families looking for hard-life solutions (Rodia p.9). This target group is always stressed, depressed, emotionally vulnerable, lacking family connections, or living in adverse socioeconomic settings. New college students are prime examples of targets because they are building their identities and are significantly separated from family members. The recruitment techniques tend to entice the hopeless youths while preparing them to convert their religious faith (Schwartz & Kaslow p.19). The main cults' psychological practices to recruit members are love-bombing (cults flood the targets with affection, flattery, and validation), isolation, and control. However, joining cults significantly affects the victims' families and friends in the outside world. These impacts include struggling with multiple emotions after a loved one joins a cult group and the damage to family intimacy.

Apart from the reasons linked to religion-related cults, my brother's strange shift in behavior appears to result from potential mental health conditions. Thus, his religious beliefs and practices are strongly associated with hysteria, neurosis, and psychotic delusions. For instance, his strange declarations about faith in God resulting from watching religion-based episodes of his favorite TV series implies a significant 'mass hysteria.' Likewise, psychotic delusions make my brother have an unshakeable belief in implausible and bizarre beliefs regarding his childhood, such as a claim that he was treated unfairly by our mother although her entire world revolved around supporting him and his goals. As a result of this potential mental condition, my brother believes that everyone is against him and refuses to see other sides to the story if they aren’t from the church. Likewise, depression seems to be disturbing my brother. For instance, he is not interested in other social and economic activities despite bringing pleasure but is focused on religion. He cannot admit that he has a problem and does not want people to know about it. Since I have noticed that he has started to miss out on life, this is a sign of silent depression.

Finally, this church has cult-like tendencies because the church is involved in every aspect of your life, from work to your family and anything else. My brother's church is a high-demand setting with a high level of control and influence over its members (Dubrow-Marshall & Dubrow-Marshall p.398). For instance, my brother has a religious devotion to this church. He has gone so far as to turn him life upside down for these people as well as isolate himself for at least 7 months for unknown reasons, but one can only assume it has something to do with the church. This devotion signifies how this cult-like church has taken over his free will through manipulation into a belief that all these practices are what make one a staunch believer.

After joining this church with cult tendencies, my brother changed his life to comply with church rules and wants. Despite people reaching out to him about the potential damage his estranged behavior has caused, he didn’t waver. Since he joined the church, his entire life has changed to be that of a blind follower rather than the freethinking leader he once was.

Thus, while the cause of my brother's behavior may be much deeper than the church he belongs to, this particular church has cult-like tendencies. The high devotion to church activities and instant shift of behaviors demonstrate how the church has controlled his life and taken over his free will. As illustrated, cult groups are exploitative, strange groups with uncommon beliefs that target the most vulnerable groups, such as college students and other unemployed young people living in marginalized areas experiencing social and economic crises. The recruitment strategies of members to join the cults are always tactful to resist.

Works Cited

Dubrow-Marshall, R.P., and L. Dubrow-Marshall. “Cults and Mental Health.”  Encyclopedia of Mental Health, 2016, pp. 393–401., https://doi.org/10.1016/b978-0-12-397045-9.00153-1. 

Ellin, Abby. “Religion Journal; Seeing Overeating as a Sin, and God as the Diet Coach.”  The New York Times, The New York Times, 29 May 2004, https://www.nytimes.com/2004/05/29/us/religion-journal-seeing-overeating-as-a-sin-and-god-as-the-diet-coach.html. 

Rodia, Tina. “Is It a Cult, or a New Religious Movement?”  Penn Today, 29 Aug. 2019, penntoday.upenn.edu/news/it-cult-or-new-religious-movement.

Schwartz, Lita Linzer, and Florence W. Kaslow. “Religious Cults, the Individual and the Family.”  Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, vol. 5, no. 2, 1979, pp. 15–26., https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1752-0606.1979.tb01263.x. 

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