20 Sep Need section is still too large of a project
Your wrote this paper for me before, I received feedback from my professor that i need to fix and add three more pages to this essay.
This is his feedback “The need discussed under your Need section is still too large of a project. You can’t write a plan for the installation of a drainage system. To me, the need sounds more like a communication plan to make sure parents are informed about the possible spread of disease at the playground post rainfall or a plan to make sure the playground is cleaned post rainfall. The latter you discuss later in your paper. But it needs more support. For example, how will you work with CERT? You need to write this paper with authority. It sounds more like you’re making suggestions that telling me what you’ll do. Remember: You’re telling me the disaster preparedness need for a specific entity (the playground, not the children) based off of your research. This includes providing evidence to support that need. Right now, you’re lacking evidence when it comes to your main idea, which it sounds like is: In order to help prevent disease among children using the playground, the facility must be cleaned after heavy rainfall and flooding. Ultimately, your goal is to prevent the flooding. But that’s too large of a project. So, you need to mitigate the problem. Also, you must avoid discussing parts of the plan itself. For example, you provide steps about how to clean the playground. This is something that is part of the plan. Not part of this paper. If you want to talk more, please let me know and we can set up a time to chat.” PLEASE FOLLOW HIS FEEDBACK THIS IS A FINAL. NEEED- The need sounds more like a communication plan to make sure parents are informed about the possible spread of disease at the playground post rainfall or a plan to make sure the playground is cleaned post rainfall.
I attached my paper and the final instructions as last time if needed. Thank you.
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